


Secret Love Song

by bombshellregina



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Prom, Tears, lots of love tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:00:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bombshellregina/pseuds/bombshellregina
Summary: Dean and Cas just want to go to prom, dance together, kiss in public and love each other forever.





	Secret Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> I'd recommend listening to Little Mix's "Secret Love Song pt. 2" for a better ambiance to the story.

Cas looked at the white box where his corsage lay gently on a white silk handkerchief that matchedthe color of his partner’s dress. The flowers, however, were different, a bright shade of emerald and grass that mirrored someone else’s eyes. He took it out of it’s soft encasing and stuck the pin to his jacket, checked his reflection in the mirror one last time and headed downstairs, where his family stood waiting next to his date for Prom. 

 

_Dean checked his tie on the bathroom mirror, straightening it. He made sure his corsage, a confection of small baby blue buds, was secure. He still had to pick up his date, but his thoughts kept wandering to the person who he actually wanted to take to Prom. He couldn’t stop thinking about a boy with dark hair and deep voice, about his thin lips and strong arms and every moment he could remember they’d spent together. He sighed and stepped out of the bathroom, grabbed his car keys from his desk and left._

 

Sure enough, Cas saw how radiant Hannah looked in her ivory gown and how proud his brothers and sisters beamed when reached the bottom of the stairs. He took his blushing companion’s hand and smiled, but that smile didn’t reach his eyes. His mind and heart were somewhere else, with someone else whom he’d actually want to take to prom. Someone who loved him more than anything else and yet he couldn’t kiss in public, in fear of a negative reaction. Someone who had taken another girl to prom to hide the fact that he was in love with a boy.

 

_Once he’d walked into Jo’s house and spoken to her parents, Dean felt a little less nervous. Aside from being young and naive, Jo was actually a great friend and she’d been more than pleased to be his companion for the night. He was aware of her feelings towards him but he was always cordial, trying to deflect her intentions without giving away that his heart already belonged to someone else. She waltzed down the stairs in a navy blue dress and he led her to his car, driving silently._

 

When he and Hannah arrived to the venue, Castiel was amazed at the beauty of the place. From the dance music playing to the lights and collection of tuxedos and heels, he felt truly amazed at the magical ambience Prom had. He found the table where his friends sat and helped Hannah into her seat while he stayed on his feet, glancing constantly at the door in hopes of his arrival. He tried very hard to keep his attention on the conversation his partner engaged with him, but Cas kept expecting him to walk in at any second.

 

_They reached the venue way past the starting time, but neither seemed to care. While Jo checked her hair in the rearview mirror, Dean snuck a glance at the entrance, hoping he’d see him walking in. But it was practically empty already and he knew they were kind of late. She asked him why he’d chosen that corsage when it clearly didn’t match her dress, and he made up some explanation about the type of flower and what it meant. She could never know that they represented something else, something far more meaningful and precious._

 

Accompanied by his partner, Dean stepped into the room and Cas felt his breath leave his body completely. He stared at him with his mouth slightly parted and his eyes wide, the elegance of Dean’s movements making his heart stop. It took everything in his body to keep him from running across the ballroom and kissing his boyfriend amidst dancing teenagers. Dean turned his head and made eye contact with Castiel, and the ground beneath his feet seemed to disappear completely. 

 

_Dean had prepared himself mentally for about every reaction so he wouldn’t slip. Nevertheless, the second he saw Castiel standing with his black suit and classic blue tie his whole world seemed to shake. Everyone was too busy in their own bubble of laughter and music to notice the intensity of their exchange, the heaviness behind a simple look these two boys exchanged in the ballroom. Dean didn’t even see the glowing decorations or the excited smile on Jo’s face as she led him to the dance floor for a slow song. All that existed in his eyesight was Cas, Cas, Cas._

 

They might have stood there, piercing each other’s hearts with a simple loving glance from across the room had Cas’ concentration not been interrupted by a blue-eyed girl in a white dress, calling his name. He snapped out of his trance and vaguely noticed as Hannah took his hand and led him towards the dance floor. 

 

_Man, Dean had no clue how easy it’d be to forget his surroundings or his partner; even his own named felt foreign when he looked at Cas in the soft glow of the room. It was simple to pretend they were alone when in reality they were constantly followed by the hatred towards them, the resentment and pure disgust their peers and families felt for people like them. How could he watch the love of his life in the arms of a girl, when all the wanted was to do the same without being attacked?_

 

Cas saw Dean being dragged by his companion towards the floor. He was positioned so he could look at Castiel, his green eyes shining and terribly heavyhearted. Cas could’ve sworn they had synchronized their movements so they danced on par, and he closed his eyes for a second, picturing himself in the arms of the man he actually loved and not in this situation, where they both had to pretend they were just friends.

 

_Dean saw how Cas closed his eyes, and he was too close to simply walking over to where he waltzed and pry them open. He wanted to get lost in the blue irises that reminded him of happiness, of completion, of everything he’d ever want in life. He pictured Castiel in his embrace as they swayed back and forth to a romantic tune just like everyone else._

 

He could imagine everything perfectly, from the smell of Dean’s favorite cologne to the pattern of freckles that dusted his nose and cheeks. He thought of his strong arms holding them together, his green eyes matching the corsage. But his fantasy was nothing but dreams, because Castiel could never hold Dean the way he wanted to. He’d never have the chance to hold his hand and kiss him in front of everyone, he’d never get a chance to even touch him in public, too afraid of the consequences. 

 

_It`s funny, Dean thought, how much he loved this guy and how much he yearned for them to be together. But they both know what would happen to them if others found out, yet he can’t seem to erase the admiration from his face. If someone was to notice their little interaction they would’ve lost everything they'd worked so hard to hide and protect from a cruel world. But for those few minutes Dean allowed himself a little indiscretion._

 

Cas opened his eyes again and saw that Dean had never stopped staring, but his gaze was even more melancholic than before. He smiled ever so slightly, a gesture only Castiel could see and he felt the exact moment his heart broke. Without realizing a tear had escaped from his eye, Cas excused himself and practically ran towards the hallway of the ballroom, not even looking back at a confused Hannah and a worried Dean. He just knew he had to get some air or the crushing feeling on his soul would asphyxiate him. 

 

_Dean could’ve sworn he registered the exact moment Cas broke and he almost lost his footing, but something tugged at his memory and he remembered where he stood. He gave Jo a little spin and excused himself as if he was going to the bathroom, hurriedly and discreetly following Castiel’s path. He sent a silent prayer that he would be alright, checked that he had not been followed, and opened the emergency exit door._

 

Once he found a door that led to the back of the building, he stumbled outside and crumbled to his knees. He felt each sob like a painful stab, and he held the corsage close to his heart. He’d never felt such longing for Dean and for freedom, for a chance to love him entirely and without reservations. But he knew how his family, how the community would react to their relationship and he could never let Dean be shunned like that. So he had to see him and be near him every single day, painfully covering up his heart for their sakes.

 

_Seeing his boyfriend sat on the floor, sobbing loudly felt like he’d been thrown against a concrete wall. Dean’s head was swimming and his hands trembled because deep down he knew the reason behind each tear. He knew the toll their secret relationship had taken on Castiel and it broke his heart a thousand different ways to see him in agony. They’d both made a promise to treasure their love in a space where it’d be only theirs, where no one from the outside could interfere. And each day they stole kisses behind bleachers and letters that spoke of devotion and confessions they’d never say out loud._

 

Cas didn’t know how long he’d sat there crying, until he saw Dean standing by the emergency door. When he saw him he approached him with shaky hands, his beautiful face tainted with concern.Dean lifted Castiel from the floor, and all it took was one look at him for the tears to return. 

 

_God, his hands were so cold and he looked so heartsick… Dean took Cas into his arms, holding back the rush of emotions that flooded his soul. How could he hold so much love for someone else while harboring a burning resentment against a cruel humanity that rejected their existence? There was bitterness, passion, heartache and tears falling down his face._

 

Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck while he rubbed calling circles around his back. However, Cas felt Dean’s shoulder shaking and when he pulled back he saw that Dean was crying as well. The look on his face… it destroyed him, because he knew why he was letting his guard down. 

 

_I love him so much and I can’t even dance with him. How is that fair? How is it right that every other person on the planet can live happily but us, those who are different by a choice that’s not theirs? How could the rest judge their love based on genders and not on souls?_

 

Cas took Dean’s face between his hands and kissed him on the lips. Their kiss was long, slow and charged with every word they’d ever wanted to tell each other but had to keep to themselves, for all their stolen glances and secret meetings and hidden kisses. Their lips conferred a love so deep it burned their spirits with painful awareness that they had zero chance of ever being together. Each second reminded them of the pain of each beating they’d received when others saw them holding hands, of the harsh judgmental words their own parent’s spewed with hatred towards people like them. Their mouths mixed their fear, their anger, their despair and their devotion towards each other.

 

_Dean remembered how he’d dreamt about going to prom with Cas, how incredibly perfect it could’ve been if they had the chance to be themselves for one night. He wasn’t about to let the night end without sharing at least a dance. Dean moved his face away, his eyes closed. He moved his hand from Cas’ back to hold his own, their corsages a mix of light green and sky blue, and he began humming, slow and quiet._

 

It took Cas a moment to realize they were dancing and he smiled. He pressed his face to Dean’s chest and prayed that this moment would never end; their heartbeats became one as they rocked slowly. Like many, many of their moments together, the song itself belonged to a special place in their hearts. It was their very own secret love song. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
